Or your job can be the best, most amazing, dream job come true in the world...
But that doesn't mean that it's the best job in the world for you. Or that you like peaches. Or something.
I started my dream job last January. 911 call taking. An incredible position with a really great group of people in a supportive environment with a director who "gets it." I was learning new things every. single. day. My 12 hour shifts allowed for several days off a week with my family. The benefits were amazing. I got to help people, be present for people, bear witness to their worst and darkest days, and say, "I am here for you until help arrives."
And then I started actual dispatch training. I hated it. I felt such a disconnect from everything I loved about call taking. I felt like many of the officers I dispatched for didn't take their safety nearly as seriously as I did. I wrestled with my heart about what I would possibly do if I lost one of those officers on my watch. My resting heart rate, usually in the low 60s, shot up to 98. Ninety-eight. That is not healthy, especially when you have a history of PSVT. I never took my blood pressure, but I'm sure it was sky high, too. I stopped eating much at all, I started drinking more coffee and eating more sugar. I stopped sleeping much. I stopped exercising, period. No yoga, no running, no weights. I had a really bad flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers. I was a freaking mess.
I was in survival mode. I felt a strangely physical sensation of a disconnect between my head and my body, like I was a life-sized bobble head. Yes, really. I don't recommend it. In hindsight, I now recognize what was happening--I had to stop doing all the things I do to keep me sane and healthy, because, in my world, this new job was incompatible with my sanity and my health, and had I continued to do all the things that keep me mentally and physically healthy, I would have recognized and stopped that much sooner.
But I didn't. I kept on because I wanted to be a perfect fit for the job. I wanted to provide for my family, make sure they were healthy and taken care of. But because Mama is the glue in our house, the rest of the family was suffering. Yes, we had great health insurance and a nice monetary cushion, but most of that money was spent eating out or on groceries that went to waste, since default food for my Others is cereal. I couldn't remember the last time our house smelled like a home-cooked meal, or freshly baked bread, and--most distressing--I couldn't remember the last time the walls of our house had rung with laughter.
That was unacceptable. So I quit.
I've had three job offers. I accepted one. I'll let you know when it comes through.
Our relationships, our interactions, our interconnectedness in this web of humanity. . .these are what are important. We get this one life. I'm not going to waste it.
